one two three fourrrrnication!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
