Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
zippers are such a cool invention
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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