so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
