My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
