I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Do vagina's smell?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
