i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
