Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
