He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
