i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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