I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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