i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
