I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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