I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
