I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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