where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
