im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
