so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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