T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize