no, he came in my armpit
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
