You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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