shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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