She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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