Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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