I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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