I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
