she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
