While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
