so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Is it because I queefed?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
