covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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