So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
babies were throwing up all over the place
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
