There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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