She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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