dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
