:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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