I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
