well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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