you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Can I color on your dick again?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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