I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize