the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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