her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
