Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
