Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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