The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
