remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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