sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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