Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize