She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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