I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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