New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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