What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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