You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
wow bdsm is so cute
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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