Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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