Duck Duck Cougar?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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