No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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