also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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