ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
