No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
