i was born a porn star she said
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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