So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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