Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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