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Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
