a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
