sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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