So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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