Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize