You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
