Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
