Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
