Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
