Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
