somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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